A ruff day

Hi!!! My mom said that I could be a guest blarker today so that I could tell you the horrors of my day. I am Apollo, a 16 month old Boxer mix, and I was violated and abused this morning for no good reason.
Today started as any other day does. I was let out of my prison (my people call it a "crate" or "bed" but I'm not as stupid as I look....wait....ooh squirrel!) and taken out to do my business. Then, I came back inside to eat my "breakfast" aka hard round balls of dryness, and follow mom around wherever she goes. You know, the usual. Then, mom called me to come and of course I didn't come at first, because I saw she had my nose guillotine (again, they call it a leash with a gentle harness, but yeah right...gentle!) and we had just gone outside to do my business, and I didn't need to go again. Weird! Out of my puppy curiosity though, I went to her and she put me in that big thing that moves called a "car." We went for a short ride and I found myself magically transported to a place that smells like dogs and fear. This fuzzy faced man took me to the back, where he...he.....poked me in the behind! Twice!! I don't think things are supposed to go in there, maybe he was confused, I don't know, but I didn't like it! Then, oh then they picked me up and put me on this shiny slippery table and stuck me with more sharp stuff and scraped my skin and took my blood (I have had some ticks guys, I don't have a whole lot left to give!) What a horrible day! I don't remember doing anything bad...other than chew on the couch. When we finally got home, my mom put this weird collar on me and I'm not sure about it yet. I don't know why I need another one, but I hope its nothing like that one I wore a while ago that sprayed stuff at me when I barked! I didn't like that either, whenever it sprayed, I'd look for the source, but couldn't find it, so I'd tell it to stop spraying me, but then it'd just squirt more! Vicious cycle! I think I need a nap!